Regrets - We All Have Them

Milky Way, Florissant, Colorado

Well, the surgery is finally behind me, after anticipating it for six months. Bilateral mastectomy and reconstructive surgery at the same time. I was so thankful that I did not have to go through two separate surgeries! I am four days out. The pain is well controlled most of the time ~ “better living through chemistry.” I have four drains, two on each side. They are causing most of the discomfort. They will come out Christmas eve day at my post-op appointment. That will be a wonderful Christmas present!

I am swollen, bruised and a bit deformed currently. It will take time for things to heal and settle into place. This I remember from the implants I had done seven years ago. Only this is much worse due to the breast tissue and nipples having to be removed. Anyway, I was not liking my aging, sagging boobies, so I decided to get implants. One of many regrets I have beat myself up with. There was a time that seeing myself in the mirror in my current state would have devastated me. But having cancer and having caught it early (Divine Intervention blog), and not facing what could have been an entirely different scenario, certainly changes one’s perspective! I am thankful to be alive and to likely being cancer free. I’m also very grateful and relieved to probably not be facing radiation. The lymph node that was removed during surgery looked promising on initial pathology. Will have the full report soon on all tissue removed.

So back to my remorse about getting implants. Don’t get me wrong. I do not think there is anything wrong at all with getting implants. Or doing things that help one to look and feel better in their own skin. My regret is in going bigger and perhaps not just getting a lift instead. Or nothing at all. The new implants are my natural size and I’m glad about that. So, why couldn’t I be content with my body the way it was? Age with grace as the saying goes. Because I put my focus in the wrong place. Focus being the key word. Too much attention on the physical. Well, I have been through hell physically these past six months. Body image is low on the priority scale now. It is no longer a focal point. My focus is on that which truly, deeply matters. That which is unseen. That which is felt in the heart and soul.

“The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” I Samuel 16:7

We all have regrets, don’t we? It is what you do with that regret that matters. I have decided to no longer beat myself up with them…over and over again. Let’s just take the lesson and learn from it, and make better and wiser choices. Instead of lamenting poor decisions, let’s delight in the many good ones we make! Remember where to put the focus. While we’re at it, let’s give ourselves kudos for the positive and kind things we do for others. While we’re cheering for others, let’s remember to cheer for ourselves. While we are loving others, let us love ourselves. If you are reading this, know that you are loved!

A rainbow – and a promise, Colorado Springs

“Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.” Genesis 9:16