Bumps & Butterflies

July 22: First chemo treatment was July 19. Woke up at 1:30 am the next morning with mild pain around my heart, which is a side effect of the Herceptin. This med targets hormone receptors in the cancer cells but those same receptors are in the heart. The on-call oncologist suggested I go to urgent care for an EKG. I decided to wait and see. Larry and I took a walk mid-day. Had to stop a few times to rest as that little exertion made symptoms worse. It calmed down by evening but was still present.

Woke up Sunday with same ache around heart area and had some chest tightness and shortness of breath. Thought it best to go to the ER. Really did not want to but also didn’t want a cardiac event. CT scan negative for pulmonary embolism. One the heart enzymes was elevated, so they wanted to keep me overnight to monitor, recheck labs and do stress test Monday morning. By Sunday evening the symptoms had resolved. Waiting now for the stress test and then I can go home. Not a fan of hospital sleepovers.

I struggled with having these concerning sides effects so soon after the first treatment. But mostly kept my spirits up. The list of possible side effects from chemotherapy drugs is no joke! Some can be serious and have permanent effects. The meds are so toxic that any bodily fluid accidents are handled with gloves and careful disposal. Any soiled items must be washed separate from other laundry. After I urinated the evening of first treatment and had flushed the toilet, I could still smell the chemicals. Too much information? I’m a walking toxic dump!

Full Buck Moon 7/20/24 over Pikes Peak, seen through family room window

My hospital stay miracle! My mom passed in October 2018. She loved butterflies, so we did the funeral service brochure with a butterfly theme. The day after she passed, my children, grandson, and I were in the rental van and a large butterfly flew past the windshield. A day or two later, we were getting ready to fly out later that day. I was in the van by myself. I was stopped at a red light and was crying and thinking about mom, and again a large butterfly flew across the windshield! A year later, I was sitting on an airplane on the tarmac in Texas. I was looking out the airplane window and thinking about mom and feeling sad. A monarch flew past the window! Last year, on my 65th birthday, I was taking a walk and a butterfly circled around me several times.

I have always believed that our loved ones can communicate with us after they pass. These events have proven to me beyond a doubt that they do. Last night, I was laying in the hospital bed talking to God and thinking about my grandmothers and my mother. I was thinking about everything mom went through with her open-heart surgeries and lung cancer. I was telling her how sorry I was for what she endured and how much I missed her. Just then, my phone pinged, and the picture you see below had been sent by Larry of this two-tailed swallowtail on the flowers hanging in front of the house. I was blown away – again! I cried happy tears, knowing mom is here with me through this difficult time. Knowing how much I am loved and held by those in Spirit!